history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
