I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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