I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She bit a glass in half.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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