I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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