so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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