I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
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This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
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The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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