Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
