Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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