I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
