The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
