Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
