But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
