grandma shit on top of the toilet
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
