I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
