She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night