You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
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Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today