I could make wine with my vomit
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt