Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.