My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She needs sedatives and a leash
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.