Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing

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  (440): Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing http://tfl.nu/ipht
  Replies (8) Good night (573) Bad night (3204)
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  (646): View more from New York

  My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.

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  (646): My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS. http://tfl.nu/3g6q
  Replies (14) Good night (856) Bad night (6314)
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  (585): View more from New York

  My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.

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  (585): My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life. http://tfl.nu/28dk
  Replies (54) Good night (1657) Bad night (4713)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth

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  (520): I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth http://tfl.nu/4taz
  Replies (13) Good night (1265) Bad night (4145)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.

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  (570): you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you. http://tfl.nu/anwq
  Replies (7) Good night (910) Bad night (4476)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis

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  (720): the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis http://tfl.nu/41ot
  Replies (14) Good night (5366) Bad night (1725)
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  (585): View more from New York

  eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'

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  (585): eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch' http://tfl.nu/cs24
  Replies (7) Good night (2688) Bad night (1552)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.

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  (920): If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it. http://tfl.nu/6xw0
  Replies (15) Good night (1422) Bad night (868)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.

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  (706): Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon. http://tfl.nu/nu6w
  Replies (18) Good night (1337) Bad night (1751)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.

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  (913): You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils. http://tfl.nu/xx9n
  Replies (10) Good night (1156) Bad night (530)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells

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  (978): I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells http://tfl.nu/uff7
  Replies (3) Good night (871) Bad night (732)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.

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  (215): spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover. http://tfl.nu/j4hn
  Replies (1) Good night (505) Bad night (331)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho

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  (+61): And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho http://tfl.nu/t3gn
  Replies (1) Good night (518) Bad night (349)
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  (562): View more from California

  I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.

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  (562): I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked. http://tfl.nu/1vom
  Replies (9) Good night (782) Bad night (348)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?

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  (608): I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay? http://tfl.nu/awtj
  Replies (2) Good night (582) Bad night (345)

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