You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
