I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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