I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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