Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
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I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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