I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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