the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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