R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you traded sex for a burrito?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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