Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
