don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
