that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
