my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
