I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
