I wanna bring you to show and tell
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
