He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
