My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
