The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
