I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
