Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
