I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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