My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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