I want to stick my p in your. b.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
