I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
