Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
