I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
