WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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