Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
