hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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