Is it because I queefed?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
