I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
