i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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