I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
