getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
