Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
