I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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