I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize