Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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