sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
