Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
