if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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