Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Houston, we have a squirter
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
