Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
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THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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