these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
