I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
