HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
