His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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