I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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