It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
