I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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